I wanted to post something worth reading. I’ve been through a lot these past two months. I’ve struggled, fought hard and tried to keep my sanity. Schoolworks+Brokenheart= DISASTER!.
The worst part of getting your heart broken is the fact that despite all the schoolworks piled up on your lap, despite the tedious accounting problems you have to solve, despite the crippled up organizer you have, despite the growing number of supportive friends, despite keeping yourself locked up in the thought of moving on, still, you find thoughts wandering back to that person, thinking about the might have been’s, all your plans, and then your mind just goes blank again. You end up realizing the fact that you are not with him now, and that there’s a life ahead of you.
I am writing because I need to get this out. It’s been two and a half months. We still communicate often. I don’t know if it’s helping., it surely isn’t because I still get that glimpse of hope of wanting us to get back together. However, certain instances convince me that we are better off as friends. But how do you become friends with someone whom you thought would be THE one for you? I am still trapped in the labyrinth of despair, or hopelessness, of broken dreams and shattered heart.
I want to scream out loud, I STILL LOVE YOU despite everything that’s been said and done but I’m afraid it’ll only complicate things. It’s different now. More and more people have been involved in the chaos he and I created. And I’m starting to disappoint the people who are very important to me. You, my dear reader, might be one of those.
I’ve been exuding that positive vibe ever since the breakup but the fact is, it’s merely a mask. I’m trying to conceal the fact that I feel like a loser. I can give off advices to everyone without having the guts to apply it in my own life. I’ve been there for the people who needed me, but I am not there for myself. I can help heal my friends’ broken hearts, but I don’t know how I can fix mine.
It’s frustrating as it can be. How can I fall so hard and not notice that I’m completely, utterly lost in memories. Yes, I am STILL inlove with the memories. I open a book, and I find pieces reminding me of him. I go to National Bookstore only to see a book entitled, “Vince’s Life”. Everything seems to have that tinge of him… and the truth is, I can’t take it anymore. :((
I’m planning to change my number, change my ym address and everything that binds us. It’s a coward thing to do, trying to escape from him. But it’s the only way I could think of just to get him out of my senses.
And then there’s Christmas. Everybody’s all giggly and in the jolly mood. I’m TRYING.
And despite this very emotional post, I want to greet you all a MERRY, MERRY CHRISTMAS! There’s a reason to celebrate because it’s His birthday after all. 
December 6, 2008
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November 29, 2008
It’s when you’re free. From hatred. From lopsided relationships. From stress.
It’s when you laugh at your mistakes but carry the lesson for a lifetime. When you party hard, but not wild. When you share life’s pleasures like there’s no tomorrow.
It’s when you kiss your tears goodbye. When you blow your worries away. When you embrace your weaknesses because they embellish your personality.
It’s when you are with people. Who truly care. Who knows your flaws but loves you anyway.
It’s this moment. The life I’m living now. With Him. With all of you.
Here are the pictures
@Bestie sis’ Luau Party
Meet Tim. A.K.A First Love
But he’s one of my best pals now.
with college chums
November 20, 2008
I’m going crazy over school. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have time to blog. As a matter fo fact, I really am pushing myself to get back to decent blogging. I’ve already written it in my wishlist.
About the title, hahaha. 
Scrap that! It was the song playing in my head while I was typing this. It’s a half lie and a half truth. I know you may be tired of reading about Vinz, but promise, this is the last time.
You see, yes, I HAVE moved on. But of course, he’ll always have a special place in my heart. And why not? He’s my many firsts. He’s the first guy who held my hand, the first to hug me tight, the first to kiss my cheeks, the first whom I told “Mahal kita” and the first guy whom I committed to. Sad to say things had to end, and that we have parted ways. However, I want to be fair to him. I’ve had the BEST eight months of my life with him. I’m writing this just in case one day he gets to read this. This post has all the things I left unsaid to him.
Contrary to what he saw all throughout our relationship when I was crying, part of that was MY fault and not his. I was too sensitive. Too selfish. I know I should’ve been like that. I wanted him to be someone he wasn’t. I kept on telling him that he was what I ever wanted to have when in fact, I was in search for more. No, it’s not that he wasn’t enough. It’s just that I was too engrossed with all the fairytales I have read and thought that all guys are knights in shining armor. He wasn’t. But he gave me his all.
I am writing this because I want all of you to know how wonderful he is. He is one of a kind. He taught me simple things I never knew before. And yes, as cliche as it sounds, he taught me how it is to love and be loved in return.
I am glad that we never promised forever, because we both know there’s no such thing. And for the last time, I am happy to have had him in my life.
I know someday I’ll bump to him in school. When that day comes, he may have another girl in his arms. I may or may not have someone in mine but one thing’s for sure. When that day comes, I’ll be brave enough to smile at him and accept that I will never be that girl again.
I have foolishly gave him nods whenever we meet in the hallways. I know it’s wrong. I should’ve smiled back. But it’s just that, I CAN’T. I can’t be friends with him. Not now. Not anytime soon.
But tell me, is it really possible to be friends with a former love?
November 15, 2008
It’s weird as it happens, doesn’t it? You still love the person, but you stop needing them like you used to.
How very well said. These poast few days, I’ve been contemplating deep within me. How do I really feel towards him? Do I still love him? Am I only trapped in this thing called agony or, have I gone through all the stages of moving on and is now ready to move forward?
The answer, I realized, is something now readily utterable, but is comprehendable. Sounds weird? Hmm. Let me put it this way. These past few days, I already lost that feeling of “wanting to see him” and “wanting to hug him”. I noticed myself talking less and lesser about him, having my heart skip a beat when he passes by to smile at me and well., I already lost interest.
And so I’ve been dressing up. My friends actually take it as a good sign I’ve shopped for new clothes and have also updated my look I wonder now, what he thinks when he sees me. Hahaha. I once caught him staring at me from afar. :p And There was this one time when he passed by me while I was seated with my friends when he couldn’t keep my eyes off me. Hahaha. He almost bumped somebody! :p
So yea. That’s it. I’m happy now. Yes, it wasn’t an easy ride but I’m happy I got over it all. Now, I’m excited for God’s plan Whoever he is that God has set up for me, I’m sure I’m bound to meet him in the perfect time and place. I’m not in a hurry now. I’m enjoying my time with my awesome friends and family. Plus, I have a super jam-packed schedule this semester! Arrrgh! Imagine having to go to school on a Saturday?! From 8-5pm. Sucks.
And my PE is volleyball. We actually played for the first time today. Surprisingly, I HAD FUN. And I discovered I can play it! hahaha. I never really took it seriously back in high school so I’m surprised and excited to spend the whole semester learning more about it
How were the holidays for you and what do you have planned for new...